Perfectionism

People who struggle with perfectionism often seem like successful, high achievers who have it all together on the outside, and oftentimes are the envy of everyone around them.  On the inside, things can be a little more complicated - you may actually struggle with self-doubt and criticism, beating yourself up and moving the bar higher and higher as to what end result will achieve satisfaction.  Sometimes this perfectionism can spill over into other relationships, holding others around you to high standards as well.  Holding yourself to high standards can in many ways have positive impacts on your life - you may be very successful academically, professionally, athletically, and have many close friends who value the effort you put into your relationships.  But the problem with perfectionism is that the idea of “perfect” is usually subjective, and can be a moving target.  When we put pressure on ourselves to be perfect, we are often chasing a feeling, rather than an objective outcome, and that feeling will only materialize when we allow ourselves to be enough.  Constantly holding yourself to the standard of “perfect” will usually lead to feeling anxious, sometimes depressed, burnt out and overall feeling badly about yourself for not being able to meet this unrealistic standard.  Perfectionism can be particularly tricky to address, since there is so much positive reinforcement for these behaviors in all of the feedback, praise and sometimes envy that we receive from others for pushing ourselves to work so hard.  When the ugly side of perfectionism starts to rear its head, therapy can help.

Signs of perfectionism can look like:

• Holding yourself and/or those around you to unrealistically high standards

• Difficulty letting go of control or delegating to others

• Linking your self-worth to achievement and productivity

• Struggling to celebrate your wins, instead focusing on what you could have done better

• Fearing judgment or rejection from others

• Overworking yourself, even when you are burnt out, and getting stuck on minor details

• Avoiding situations where you are unlikely to be successful or achieve “perfection”

• Difficulty falling asleep at night, kept up with thoughts about all there is to do

• Irritability

• Feeling overwhelmed by minor decisions due to fear of making the “wrong” choice

• Avoiding trying new things due to fear of failure or making mistakes

• Frequently comparing yourself to others and experiencing anxiety or self-doubt when you feel that others have “out-performed” you

• Seeing things only in term of perfection vs. failure (all or nothing thinking)

• Feelings of burnout and exhaustion

• Anxiety

• Depression