Depression in Women with ADHD: How ADHD Therapy in Denver Can Help
You may be familiar with the classic presentation of ADHD - the restless, fidgety kid in a classroom who can’t sit still and is always speaking out of turn. Or maybe the adult version of this - the person who interrupts their friends in the middle of conversation, struggles to stay focused on one thing for too long or is always needing to plan something active to get out their energy. This is the version of ADHD (hyperactive-type) that most people think of, the version that highlights restlessness and high energy. But there is actually another type of ADHD that can look very different, and tends to affect women more than men. The struggles of inattentive-type ADHD are often more internal than external, so people who have this condition tend to fly under the radar and be seen more as “dreamy” or “spacy”. People with inattentive-type ADHD struggle more with things like focus, organization, procrastination and motivation. They may also struggle with shame, imposter syndrome or low self-esteem. Let’s take a closer look at how ADHD often manifests in women.
What Does ADHD Look Like in Women?
Because women with ADHD tend to struggle more with inattentive-type symptoms, their struggles are often harder to spot during school age, and they sometimes go undiagnosed until adulthood, if they manage to get a diagnosis at all. Even for women with hyperactive-type ADHD, they tend to present more as hyper-talkative and excitable as opposed to hyperactive, making it harder still to get a diagnosis. As a therapist specializing in treating women with ADHD, I actually noticed a lot of the clients I see who had flown under the radar most of their lives start to really have noticeable issues during COVID. Many of them had been able to “hold it together” until that point in their lives, but the shift to working from home, on their own without the structure of an office setting and coworkers made them feel like things were really starting to unravel. So many women feel pressure to “mask” on the outside to hide the internal chaos that they are struggling with. This can lead to anxiety, depression and chronically low self-worth.
Gender Role Expectations
In our culture, women are expected to fill so many roles: partner, mother, daughter, housekeeper, chef, family admin person and emotional support, primary parent, employee, sometimes breadwinner, manager of social relationships - the list goes on. A lot of these roles require significant organizational skills, which we are often brought up to believe women are just “better at” than men. For a woman with ADHD who struggles with organization and executive functioning skills (like planning, focus, and task completion), juggling all of these roles can feel totally overwhelming, and contribute to a deep sense of inadequacy, or even feeling “un-womanly”. Many women with ADHD also really struggle to ask for help, whether that be support from family and friends or accommodations in the workplace. The pressure to do it all on their own compounds the feeling of inadequacy, overwhelm, shame and isolation. Together, all of these things are a recipe for depression.
What Contributes to Depression in Women with ADHD?
There are many different aspects of the challenges that women with ADHD face that can lead to depression. Here are some examples:
Imposter syndrome
Women with ADHD often experience imposter syndrome, feeling like they have fooled everyone around them into thinking they are competent and high functioning. They worry that if others saw how hard they had to work to keep it all together, they would be “found out” and viewed differently or worse, rejected.
Negative self-talk
Years of struggling with ADHD symptoms can cause women to develop a harsh inner-critic. They may beat themselves up with inner thoughts like “you’re just lazy”, “you need to try harder”, “you don’t belong here”, “why can’t you get it together like everyone else” - thoughts that are often internalized messages that they heard growing up from caregivers or teachers. These negative messages further whittle away at their self-worth and reinforce the idea of something being “wrong” with them.
Pressure to hide
Women with ADHD often feel pressure to hide from others how much they are struggling, not allowing anyone in their lives to see their whole self. This may cause them to self-isolate, distance themselves from other people in their lives (especially when they are overwhelmed or feel they are failing others) and never feel fully “seen.” The pressures to mask and apparel “normal” can lead to exhaustion and burnout.
Shame
Pressure to hide often comes from a place of shame based on messages that they have taken in throughout their lives of how women are “supposed” to function and behave, and feeling like they don’t measure up. Here are some examples of cultural expectations of women that might trigger shame for women with ADHD who feel unable to meet them:
Keep a clean house
Don’t ask for too much
Don’t say no when others need your help
Just work harder
Don’t make waves
Women can do it all
Feeling overwhelmed
Dealing with feeling overwhelmed can be especially challenging for women with ADHD because it is connected to a deep sense of inadequacy. When they feel overwhelmed, they truly do not believe that they have the skills to handle whatever the situation is. The weight of all there is to do can feel totally paralyzing.
Unstable self-concept
Spending so much time focused on what others expect of them can leave women with ADHD feeling unsure of who they are. They may feel like they are constantly presenting different versions of themselves to different people in their lives, and feel so burnt out from this that there is no space left to connect to what is important to them. This can feel totally disorientating and contribute to depression.
Struggles with assertiveness
Women with ADHD often struggle to assert themselves, feeling like they “should” be able to manage it all on their own, or that they are “asking for too much” or “trying to get away with something” when they ask for help. Because of this, they get stuck in the cycle of feeling hopeless, overwhelmed and not getting the support they need.
How ADHD Therapy in Denver, Colorado Can Help
As a woman with ADHD, your struggle is real. You’re managing all of your symptoms while simultaneously battling the unfair gender expectations that are placed on women in our culture. You’re over it. It’s exhausting! The good news is, ADHD therapy can help you learn to cope with your symptoms and find confidence in yourself as a woman and valuable member of society.
ADHD Therapy in Denver Can Help You:
Change your relationship to negative thoughts
Sometimes your brain is sending you so many negative, self-doubting thoughts that you don’t even know where to start in tackling them. Therapy can help you learn tools to distance yourself from these thoughts and feel like they have less power over you. Eventually, your brain will realize you’re not giving them the time of day and start sending you these messages less and less. Get in touch to learn more.
Take back control of your story
Often women with ADHD receive so many negative messages throughout their lives about their worth, their value and the expectations for them as females that it’s hard to separate these experiences from who we are. Therapy can help you learn to identify where these negative beliefs about yourself came from, and rewrite your story in a way that feels both truthful and empowering to you.
Build coping tools to feel more organized
Together in therapy we’ll explore different strategize and coping tools that can help with things like organization, task completion, motivation and time management. We’ll look at your individual routine, lifestyle and values to explore what changes will work for you and make the biggest difference in your life.
Learn to communicate assertively
One of the most common things women with ADHD struggle with is feeling empowered to ask for what they need. Working with a trained ADHD therapist will help you to learn tools to communicate more assertively while still prioritizing your values, and feel less fear and guilt when you speak up.
Identify and embrace your strengths
Women with ADHD have so many strengths - ADHD often allows you to think outside the box, offer a different perspective and harness creativity that comes from being ultra-sensitive to your environment. When you’re struggling with depression or low self-worth, it may be hard to recognize the many strengths you do have. Therapy can help you to change the way you think about yourself and feel more confident in what you have to offer.
ADHD Therapy at Root to Rise Therapy in Denver
Victoria at Root to Rise Therapy in Denver is an ADHD therapist who specializes in helping women find balance, clarity and confidence in their lives. Therapy can help you learn to trust your brain, embrace your strengths and recognize the value you bring to your relationships. You don’t have to live with overwhelming self-doubt, shame and imposter syndrome. Get in touch to learn more about how ADHD therapy in Denver can help you heal.
Other Services at Root to Rise Therapy:
Other mental health services at Root to Rise Therapy include Therapy for Anxiety, Therapy for Perfectionism, Therapy for People-Pleasing, Cultural Identity Counseling, ADHD Therapy, Counseling for Moms and Postpartum Counseling. I see clients located inColorado, New York and New Jersey. Contact me to learn more about how I can help you overcome anxiety and reclaim your life!
